Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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