and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i think i just lost a toe
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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