Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize