Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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