Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
