my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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