he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
