People in love make me want to vomit
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
