We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
