I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
