If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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