i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
