Do you still have your period?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
