Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
