I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
