genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
