We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
