Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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