We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
