I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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