Is it normal to miss your booty call?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize