I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
