I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
