just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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