I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The power of my boobs compel you
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
