It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Randomize