clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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