Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
