Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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