i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
