I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
