Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
