I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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