nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's blow job season.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize