I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
