I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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