Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
