I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
