I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
