Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
