I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
