I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
