Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
