Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
