i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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