Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
