What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
