bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
