you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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