Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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