I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
