i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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