it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
