Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
