I accidentally had phone sex last night
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize