you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
