Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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