Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
