The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
