DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
