he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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