Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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