There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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