the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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