A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
