i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
