So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
