We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Randomize
