i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
