obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
