Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
