Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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