Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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