If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
