if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
