We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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