I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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