even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize