The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
