your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
