Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
