i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Alive.
So much puke
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize