Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
