It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
