Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
