Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
