he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
