margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
