In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
