Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I deserve this hangover.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
