The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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