you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
