I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
