How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
