I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
