peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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