Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
it's like heaven, but drunker
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
