I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
